Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
