I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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