Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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