he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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