so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
