You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
