Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
