well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
