I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ttyl tear gas
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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