so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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