I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You need Xanax blowdarts
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
