Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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