Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
