I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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