1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
