I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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