I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
