This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
should my penis look like a turkey
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
