My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
