remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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