Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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