Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
