I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
