In the future we'll all be gay
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
