I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
