but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
