I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
