It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
