after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize