Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
