I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
