I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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