Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Where is the hickey?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
