Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
