The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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