This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
