I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
