i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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