My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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