Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
