Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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