Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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