Tell her she can't have a vagina
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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