There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
