3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
