You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
MIDGETS
????
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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