My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She's the barista slut.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
