I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
