It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was like eating out sand paper
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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