Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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