There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
