6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize