so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
