dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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