Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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