My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
