She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
