party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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