Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
