He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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