My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
