now i know why i became what i already was.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
