Got a toothbrush?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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