So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
