you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
