there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
