Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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