My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
