Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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