he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
