shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
