I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
