you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Say something about gay babies.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize