BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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