You made me cry and you don't even care
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
