Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
