You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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