They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
