Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
