Princesses don't give blow jobs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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