I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
