Already got asked if we're dating
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
