FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
