friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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