Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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