Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
