o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
a search helicopter?!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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