He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
