Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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