how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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