i think my mom watched the whole time
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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