i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
