i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
