New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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