I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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