We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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