No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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