I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
