Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.

Fav 5 1154 3262
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(330): View more from Ohio

I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

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(573): View more from Missouri

You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other

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(312): View more from Illinois

She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...

Fav 8 1173 2265
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(256): View more from Alabama

I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.

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(631): View more from New York

I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.

Fav 2 157 110
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(719): View more from Colorado

Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out

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