that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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