This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
