dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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